Understanding Trauma Responses from Religious Abuse: Insights from LGBTQ Therapy in NYC
Photo by Karl Fredrickson; downloaded from Unsplash on 10/10/2024
Imagine being told that who you are is fundamentally wrong, not by strangers, but by those you love most. This is the harsh reality faced by many LGBTQ individuals growing up in religious environments. Religious abuse can take many forms, especially for LGBTQ individuals, from being coerced into denying your identity to being ostracized from the community that is supposed to offer love and support.
Studies show that a significant percentage of LGBTQ individuals report experiencing some form of religious abuse. As a licensed mental health counselor specializing in working with LGBTQ individuals, particularly those dealing with religious trauma, I have extensive experience supporting clients in navigating these complex challenges. The impact of these experiences often leads to deep and enduring trauma responses. But it’s important to know that you are not alone and that healing is possible. LGBTQ Therapy in NYC can help unpack these experiences, process the emotions tied to them, and support your journey toward self-acceptance and emotional resilience.
What Is Religious Abuse?
Religious abuse refers to the misuse of religious beliefs or authority to manipulate, control, or harm others. It can manifest in family, community, or faith-based settings. For LGBTQ individuals, religious abuse often takes the form of spiritual manipulation, identity suppression, and exclusion—all of which aim to control behavior or enforce conformity to heteronormative standards. This can happen in sermons that demonize LGBTQ identities, "conversion therapies" that attempt to change someone's orientation, or even in the more subtle messaging that suggests LGBTQ people are less worthy of love.
These forms of abuse are different from other types of trauma but share overlapping elements like coercion, control, and emotional manipulation. They can create profound impacts, such as feeling disconnected from one's body, experiencing chronic guilt, or internalizing rejection.
Takeaway: Recognize that these experiences are valid, and it’s okay to seek support. You deserve to heal and live authentically.
How Trauma Responses Develop from Religious Abuse
When faced with religious abuse, many LGBTQ individuals develop survival mechanisms known as trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These responses are the body's way of protecting itself, but over time, they can become deeply ingrained and lead to emotional and behavioral patterns that affect daily life.
Fight: This response may manifest as anger or resistance, especially towards religious figures or family members who have imposed harmful beliefs. You might find yourself constantly ready to challenge or push back.
Flight: Avoiding anything connected to religion—whether that’s distancing from family, cutting off religious community ties, or even avoiding conversations that remind you of the past.
Freeze: Feeling emotionally stuck, unable to make decisions, or having a sense of numbness. This often results from feeling overwhelmed by conflicting identities.
Fawn: Overcompensating to please others—particularly family members or religious figures—often at the cost of denying your own identity or hiding who you truly are.
Reflection: Do you recognize any of these responses in yourself? Understanding these patterns is the first step toward healing.
Complex Trauma and Its Impact on LGBTQ Clients
Religious abuse, particularly when it occurs repeatedly over time, often leads to what is known as complex trauma. Complex trauma involves prolonged or repetitive traumatic events, making recovery challenging but not impossible. For LGBTQ individuals, the emotional, psychological, and even physical impacts of religious trauma are deep and pervasive.
Imagine the experience of someone like Alex (not their real name, of course). Growing up in a deeply religious household, Alex was told that being gay was wrong and sinful. Even though Alex moved away and tried to start fresh, the messages from childhood lingered—resulting in chronic anxiety, mistrust of others, and difficulty forming close relationships. Alex's journey of healing began by understanding how these messages shaped his responses and how therapy could help reframe his self-beliefs.
Common Emotional Reactions to Religious Trauma
Religious trauma frequently leads to a range of emotional reactions, including:
Shame and Internalized Homophobia/Transphobia: Internalizing the idea that your identity is wrong can lead to pervasive feelings of shame.
Chronic Anxiety and Hypervigilance: Constantly being on guard, afraid of judgment or rejection from others.
Guilt: Feeling guilty for stepping away from your religious upbringing or for creating distance with family members.
Fear of Rejection: Struggling with the fear that embracing your identity means losing love and community, or even fearing rejection from the LGBTQ community if you still hold onto aspects of your faith.
These reactions are completely normal. Many individuals experience these emotions as a result of religious abuse.
Takeaway: Your reactions are valid. The shame, guilt, and anxiety are responses to what you’ve endured—not reflections of who you truly are.
Healing Trauma Responses in LGBTQ Therapy
Healing from religious trauma is a journey that requires a safe, supportive, and affirming environment. LGBTQ-affirming therapy aims to address these experiences by recognizing the unique struggles of LGBTQ individuals and using targeted therapeutic approaches:
EMDR Therapy: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) helps reprocess traumatic memories, reducing the emotional weight of past experiences. For many, it has been an essential tool in letting go of the pain caused by religious abuse. To learn more, please check out my post on how I use EMDR specifically for religious trauma.
IFS (Internal Family Systems): This approach focuses on understanding the internal conflicts that exist within us. For those who have experienced religious abuse, it can mean understanding the parts that still hold onto religious beliefs versus the parts that want to break free.
Experiential Techniques: Engaging in experiential approaches can help emotionally process trauma responses, create new insights, and find a path toward internal harmony.
Reflection: Which of these approaches resonates with you? Therapy is not one-size-fits-all—consider which path feels right for your healing.
Building Resilience After Religious Trauma
Resilience doesn’t mean ignoring or minimizing what happened; it means finding ways to rebuild your sense of self in the aftermath of trauma. Here are some essential components for building resilience:
Resilience and Restoration after Religious Trauma
Photo by Geranimo; downloaded from Unsplash on 10/10/24
Affirming Communities: Finding supportive and affirming communities or chosen families can be transformative. These connections offer the love and validation that might have been missing from your original family or religious environment.
Reclaiming Identity: Therapy can be a space to reclaim personal identity and build self-worth that wasn’t tied to the conditions imposed by others. It’s about knowing you are inherently worthy.
Coping Skills: Techniques like Progressive Muscle Relaxation are helpful tools for managing bodily tension and anxiety, allowing you to find calm in moments of stress.
Reclaiming Spirituality: Not everyone chooses to abandon spirituality after religious trauma—many find ways to redefine it in a way that is meaningful and supportive. This might mean connecting with nature, finding solace in art, or exploring spiritual practices that are free from judgment.
Takeaway: Building resilience means taking small steps, like reaching out to affirming communities, and reminding yourself that you deserve a life free from shame and fear.
Differentiating from the Past
Part of healing from religious trauma involves differentiating from the beliefs and expectations of your past. Differentiation allows you to step back, recognize that your worth isn’t tied to your family or community’s acceptance, and hold your own identity—even if it’s different from what you were taught to value.
This process may include grieving the loss of certain connections. Allowing yourself to mourn these losses is a crucial part of moving forward. Therapy can help you navigate these emotions and understand that grieving doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you are honoring what you lost.
Tips on Staying Grounded: Family interactions can be particularly triggering. Consider using grounding techniques or having an exit plan during family gatherings (link to 'Managing Family Conflict').
Reflection: What might differentiating from your past look like for you? How would it feel to fully embrace your own values, separate from what others expect of you?
Conclusion
Healing from religious abuse is undoubtedly a difficult journey—but it is possible. You deserve to live in a way that honors your true self, free from shame and fear. LGBTQ-affirming therapy is a space where you can begin to unpack these experiences, grieve what you’ve lost, and build a life rooted in authenticity and self-compassion.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out. Whether you’re just beginning to explore these issues or have been working through them for years, LGBTQ-affirming therapy can help you navigate the complexities of religious trauma and create a meaningful, affirming future. Schedule a free consultation today to see how we can start this healing journey together.
Contact me here for a free 15-minute phone call to discuss how we can work together to build the resilience you need to thrive. Let's embark on a path toward greater self-respect, healthier relationships, and a stronger sense of community together.
My specialties include LGBTQ+ Therapy NYC, EMDR Therapy NYC, Religious Trauma.
