How to Practice Self-Compassion During Difficult Times
Sometimes we start our journey toward Self-compassion here. LGBTQ Therapy in NYC can help!
Photo by Toa Heftiba; downloaded from Unsplash on 10/19/2024
We’ve all had those moments—whether it's after making a mistake, feeling rejected, or dealing with a setback—where it feels like the world is crashing down, and our inner critic takes the wheel. I remember a client telling me about feeling devastated after being rejected from a job they desperately wanted. Their inner dialogue was harsh and unforgiving, turning an already tough moment into one that felt impossible to bounce back from. During these challenging times, our tendency is often to be our own worst critic, but there’s another way: practicing self-compassion.
Self-compassion can fundamentally shift how we navigate difficult experiences, allowing us to be supportive of ourselves rather than tearing ourselves down. Personally, I’ve seen the transformative effects of self-compassion in my own life and in the lives of my clients. It isn’t about letting ourselves off the hook or ignoring problems; it’s about acknowledging our struggles while treating ourselves with the same kindness we’d offer to someone we care about.
In LGBTQ Therapy NYC and EMDR Therapy NYC, self-compassion practices are key to helping clients navigate their most challenging experiences. Throughout this post, we’ll explore practical techniques that can bring more self-compassion into your daily life, especially during the moments you need it most.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Definition
Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness and understanding during moments of suffering. It consists of three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment
Self-kindness means treating yourself with the same care and understanding you’d offer a friend. Many of us default to harsh self-criticism, especially when we’re struggling. Self-compassion invites us to shift this inner dialogue, allowing ourselves the grace we deserve.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation
When we’re facing a difficult time, it’s easy to feel alone in our pain. Self-compassion reminds us that suffering is part of being human. Recognizing that others experience similar struggles helps reduce the isolation we often feel and reinforces that we’re not alone in our pain.
Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification
Mindfulness allows us to acknowledge difficult emotions without being overwhelmed by them. It’s about observing what we’re feeling without judgment or trying to push the emotions away. This balance helps us stay grounded without getting lost in our negative thoughts.
The Importance of Self-Compassion During Difficult Times
Emotional Resilience
Practicing self-compassion builds emotional resilience. When we’re compassionate towards ourselves, we’re better able to bounce back from setbacks and keep moving forward. Instead of getting stuck in a cycle of self-criticism, self-compassion gives us the strength to try again.
Reducing Shame and Self-Blame
Difficult situations can often bring up feelings of shame or self-blame, making the experience even harder to cope with. Self-compassion helps break the cycle of shame by allowing us to accept our imperfections without judgment. This acceptance reduces the burden of self-blame, creating space for healing.
To see how self-compassion can work alongside other practices for reframing negative thoughts, check out my post on Challenging Negative Thoughts with CBT. Additionally, Journaling for Trauma Healing and Mindfulness Meditation for Staying Grounded are powerful tools that can complement self-compassion practices.
Practical Techniques for Cultivating Self-Compassion
Photo downloaded from Unsplash on 10/19/2024
Self-Compassion Break
In moments of difficulty, take a self-compassion break. Pause, place a hand over your heart, and say something kind to yourself. This could be as simple as, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Taking a few deep breaths while offering yourself kind words can create a powerful shift in how you feel. This practice can be especially helpful when negative thoughts threaten to overwhelm you.
Loving-Kindness Meditation
Loving-kindness meditation is a way to cultivate compassion by sending kind thoughts to yourself and others. Start by sitting comfortably and taking a few breaths. Silently repeat phrases like, “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be safe.” Once you feel comfortable, extend these thoughts to others in your life, including people you love, neutral acquaintances, and even those you find challenging. This practice builds a sense of warmth and connection, starting with yourself.
Self-Reflective Journaling
Journaling can be an effective way to bring self-compassion into your life. Write about what you’re struggling with and try to use self-compassionate language. Imagine what a caring friend might say to you, and write that down. This practice can help soften the intensity of your emotions and allow you to see your situation from a gentler perspective. For more guidance on reflective journaling, check out our post on Journaling for Trauma Healing.
Self-Compassion in LGBTQ+ Experiences
Addressing Internalized Shame
LGBTQ+ individuals often carry internalized shame from societal rejection, family expectations, or discriminatory experiences. Self-compassion can help heal these wounds by acknowledging the pain without judgment and reminding ourselves that our struggles are not a reflection of our worth. By treating ourselves with kindness, we can begin to challenge the harmful messages we’ve internalized.
Self-Compassion as Affirmation
Practicing self-compassion can also be a deeply affirming act. In the face of external judgment or discrimination, choosing to be kind to yourself is a way of validating your identity. It’s a way of saying, “I am worthy of love and care, just as I am.” This can be incredibly powerful in counteracting the negativity we may encounter in the world.
To see how LGBTQ+-inclusive therapy can support your healing journey, read more in our post on Healing from Trauma with LGBTQ+ Inclusive Therapy.
Overcoming Resistance to Self-Compassion
Fear of Self-Indulgence
One of the biggest misconceptions about self-compassion is that it’s self-indulgent or that it makes us complacent. The truth is, self-compassion isn’t about ignoring problems—it’s about being supportive rather than self-critical. When we’re kind to ourselves, we’re more motivated to make positive changes because we feel worthy of those changes.
Difficulty Feeling Worthy of Compassion
Many people struggle with the idea that they don’t deserve compassion. If you find yourself thinking this way, try challenging that belief gently. Write down three reasons why you deserve compassion. Or ask yourself, “Would I say this to a friend in a similar situation?” Often, we find it much easier to offer compassion to others than to ourselves, but remember that you are just as deserving.
Advanced Reflection Tip
Take some time to explore why self-compassion feels challenging for you. Ask yourself, “What would it mean to be kind to myself in this moment?” Reflecting on this question can help uncover deeper beliefs that might be getting in the way of being compassionate towards yourself, allowing you to address them directly.
Self-Compassion and Therapy
How Self-Compassion Supports EMDR Therapy
Cultivating self-compassion is key in trauma work, particularly in preparing for and processing EMDR sessions. EMDR therapy often brings up intense emotions, and having a compassionate inner voice can make it easier to navigate these experiences. When clients can approach their memories with kindness rather than judgment, the healing process becomes less daunting and more effective.
Self-Compassion in Practice
In therapy, self-compassion is often encouraged as a tool for emotional regulation. For example, during a particularly challenging session, a therapist might guide a client to place a hand over their heart, take a deep breath, and speak kindly to themselves. This small gesture can help soothe the nervous system and create a sense of safety in the midst of processing difficult emotions.
Mindfulness also plays a crucial role in self-compassion. Check out our post on Mindfulness Meditation for Staying Grounded to learn more about how mindfulness supports compassionate awareness.
Conclusion
Summary of Benefits
Practicing self-compassion during difficult times brings numerous benefits. It helps build emotional resilience, reduces shame and self-blame, and enhances overall well-being. When we are kind to ourselves, we give ourselves permission to be human—to make mistakes, to struggle, and to grow.
Encouragement to Practice Self-Compassion
If self-compassion feels difficult at first, start small. Try taking a self-compassion break during a challenging moment or write yourself a kind note when you’re feeling down. Remember, self-compassion is a practice—progress may be slow, but every small step counts. It’s okay if it doesn’t come naturally right away; the important thing is to keep trying.
If you’re interested in exploring how self-compassion can support your healing journey, I invite you to explore other posts in this series, or consider reaching out for personalized support through LGBTQ Therapy NYC or EMDR Therapy NYC. Schedule a free consultation today to learn more about how self-compassion can help you navigate your challenges with greater kindness and resilience.
Contact me here for a free 15-minute phone call to discuss how we can work together to build the resilience you need to thrive. Let's embark on a path toward greater self-respect, healthier relationships, and a stronger sense of community together.
My specialties include LGBTQ+ Therapy NYC, EMDR Therapy NYC, Religious Trauma.
